I love black thongs
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
