I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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