Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
