ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
