Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
