Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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