Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
