i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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