Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
