whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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