Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
