Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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