Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize