I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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