Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
