sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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