I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
