i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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