Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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