seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
