the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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