Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
