Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
