NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
