lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
