no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
