he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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