i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
