i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
