4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
