yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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We're too hungover to prance.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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