note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
