dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
