OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
