pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
