Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
