i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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