for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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