At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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