the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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