when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
