Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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