Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
