3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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