We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my poor anus
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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