Who did Billy Mays play for?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
