yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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