Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
