the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
