We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
