it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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