Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
