capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize