Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
