I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
