good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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