The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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