I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Screwed.edu
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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