I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
