Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
