he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
