Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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