So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
