loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
