What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
