you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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