I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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