names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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