I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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