I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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