He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
