He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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