just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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