I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
