Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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