Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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