It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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